Friday, December 28, 2012

Coming Undone

Hmmm....Life is often like a roller coaster, and I must say that for the past couple of weeks, things have been a little rough. It started off with losing a loved one, which really threw my whole family for a loop. When something like that happens in your life, you really start to think, often about sad things. That is why they call it grief. About that time, I started to not feel very well, a cold virus that has lasted...well it is still lasting and it has been over a month. Finally after 3 visits to my ENT, it turns out that I have something that doesn't belong in my sinus cavity. This is really scary to me, because anyone who knows me knows that I take my sinuses VERY seriously. I netipot two times a day EVERY SINGLE DAY. Never miss a day. EVER. Also throughout any given day, I sanitize, wash my hands, and use nasal salt spray every time I have to tie a pair of shoes, or a student coughs on me (which is A LOT!) A short background, is that two years ago, I had such severe sinus problem, that I had a sinus infection that lasted for about a year straight. I felt awful, energy drained, and had a headache almost every day for a year. Finally, a little over a year ago, I had surgery that cleared and had hopefully solved all of my problems. And for a year it did, I didn't have a single infection for a year and felt like a million bucks! With this current problem, I am straight scared! I am afraid that it is back and that I am going to feel awful for a while. I am afraid that I am going to have to have another surgery. I am afraid that I am going to have this problem forever. I am afraid that I have a dream sitting at my finger tips, and it is going to slip right through. I might be dramatic here, but that is what happens when I am scared, I think of the worse possible scenerios. I have been thinking about this stuff for a few days, and feel myself slipping into a little bit of a funk. Now, I have a degree in counseling and know that this train of thought is probably just as damaging as the actual stuff that is going on, so I am going to try my hardest to pull myself out of it starting now! I am surrounded by some extremely amazing and inspiring people, and I am lucky enough to have a support system. I have a healthy perspective of what is really important in life, and know that despite having experienced lots of adversity in life, I have always made it through. So my plan for the next 10 days is to poison myself with toxic crap that hopefully kills this stuff going on in my sinuses. Then if it does, I am going to do the elimination diet that might explain if a food allergy is causing this stuff that is going on in my sinuses. If the blockages are still in my sinuses, I have faith that I will make it through and there might even be some sort of silver lining. 

As for the elimination diet, I really don't know much about it, but will have to figure it out. To be honest, I am excited to try this experiment. I generally have a very healthy diet, but around the holidays, I don't watch as much and that could explain why I am having this problem now. I am hopeful and nervous about the portion of cutting out wheat and corn. I know that is in lots of foods, so I will have to do some investigating and hopefully enlist some experts!Well that is my plan, and now I am going to drag my butt off the couch and do an easy trainer ride. My heart rate will be extremely high and my watts will be ridiculously low, but that is not what matters in the big picture....

Last thing - now that winter is in full effect here in Pittsburgh, and I am spending lots of time on the trainer. I daydream about cool riding that I have done to get me through the monotony of it. I think one of the coolest rides I have ever done was this year on a mini adventure from Vail to Aspen over 3 mountain passes, and then Aspen back to Vail through Glenwood Canyon the next day. Honestly the most amazing views with some of the coolest people!!!

1 comment:

  1. Jocelyn!
    So this is a really delayed comment, but I just ran today and got home and thought, "I wonder how Jocelyn Cornman is doing." So I google stalked you and found your blog :-)
    I'm sorry about your sinus ickiness. I'll send lots of positive healing thoughts, so that you are back and kicking my ass asap! (And a friend did an elimination diet that she loved, btw).
    We'll have to have a text chat on the trainer one of these days- we've luckily had 2 really nice weekends here, but I've done a lot of trainer time lately, too!
    Heal well!