Saturday, June 1, 2013

Acceptance

The last 6 weeks have been a little bit of a rough ride for me dealing with this injury. My emotions would range from irritated to hopeful to depressed to optimistic to bitchy to determined to frustrated until finally I accepted that I have to deal with this injury head on. So it turns out that this groin/adductor issue that I have taken so much time off is actually a couple of different things. The most serious is a stress reaction of my pelvis. This means that it is not quite a stress fracture, but it is trying to be. The only cure for it is total rest. I also have a boatload of inflammation, tightness, and muscular imbalance in my core area causing all sorts of problems. And finally I have sports hernia (tears in my abdominal wall). When my doctor read my MRI results to me, my immediate reaction was to start crying, because it sounded like there was a lot going on in my pelvic region that I just wasn't expecting.  But after thinking about all of my symptoms (pain while sneezing/unable to sit on saddle or run for even a minute/pain while sleeping and walking up steps) the diagnosis made total sense.

I am not really sure how this injury started. I tend to think it is because I got tired and sloppy.  A typical day for me is a morning swim, work on my feet all day, bike, run, sleep. I think I just got exhausted and let my posture slip during the workday and came home and worked out on tired muscles with bad form. Plus I would fake my functional strength workouts, by not concentrating on using proper form. Strength training was a total afterthought, usually fit in between eating dinner, packing lunch, brushing my teeth, and showering. I definitely did not make core work/strength training a priority when I should have. Who knows if this would have happened anyways? But the one thing that I do know is that I need to figure out what to do now...

I went to ART therapy for the first 3 weeks of this injury, which usually helps with all of my soft tissue tightness, but it was not working for this. Then the past 3 weeks, I have been going to PT almost every day with deep tissue massage weekly and it still hasn't improved. My strength and mobility is great, but I just can't seem to get rid of this pain in my groin area. I plan to continue down the road of more PT, but I am afraid that the sports hernia could simply not heal and that scares the crap out of me. Surgery is another option at some point, but if I decide that surgery is the road that I need to take - I am scared that my pelvic bone issues might not heal all the way. I know I just need to have patience, but it is so much easier said than done.

This is not really the way I had envisioned my first pro season. I get pretty upset when I think of all of the freezing mornings that I woke up at 5a.m. to swim by myself, and all of the hours I put on the trainer after work with t-runs in the snow late at night. I have been looking forward to summer training for a long time, and now that it is here, it is driving me bananas to not be out there! I feel like I was on the road to a fun season, and I really didn't get anything out of all of those sacrifices. It honestly has been a struggle to stay positive sometimes, but I just have to remember that I can't always plan life, and I need to roll with the punches. In my heart, I do know that I will recover and be back out there, sometimes it is just a tough pill to swallow when you are going through it.

I am really trying to focus on the positives that I have in my life and keep an honest perspective of what is truly important. I have been spending lots of time with my family. I am grateful to have really good insurance in a time when many people do not. I know that my health will come around (even though I don't feel very healthy now). Finally I am incredibly grateful to have such wonderful support. I have Dr. Davenport that has been so helpful in helping me figure all of this out. Aimee, the absolute best PT that I can imagine. Coach Jesse, that has been a rock for me, keeping me positive even during my dark days of wanting to eat only brownies. And finally Jeremy - who I am honestly surprised that he has not asked for a divorce after all of my mood swings!!

Hopefully sooner than later, I will be out there enjoying what I love to do...Until then, I will be doing LOTS and LOTS of core work...and trying to stay sane!!!



4 comments:

  1. Jocelyn, really sorry to hear about all these issues. You are such a driven and determined person you will have to watch out for the tendency to.push yourself too hard. At the start of this blog, you say how complete rest is necessary, but then you conclude by saying you will do tons of core work. Are these two strategies not incompatible? Good luck. You will triumph again!

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  2. Good point Jim - I guess I should say total rest from swim/bike/run!! I have lots of PT/core work to do!

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  3. I'm so sorry hun that you are having to deal with this. I'm really feeling for you and can understand your frustration and the feeling that your sacrifices were for not. It's a good reminder that sometimes additional hobbies are needed to keep your sanity in tact. A day will come in the future where you are not in pain, but today is not that day, so you must distract yourself! Love you hun, and if there is anything I can do to help let me know. I can teach knitting, crochet, sewing, needlepoint, cooking...I have book recommendations... apply for a reality TV show???

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  4. I am so bummed for you Jocelyn --- only because I know how difficult it is to deal with injury and especially at this time! BUT, I also know that you will be out there sooner rather than later and probably will be healthier for it after addressing some of the weaknesses/imbalances. Thinking of you!!

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