Saturday, October 25, 2014

Time for a Change

I've always been a person that has loved change. I embrace the exhilarating feeling that you get from trying new things and adventuring into the unknown. This change, however, is a little tougher to embrace. For the past several years, I committed to being the best triathlete that I could be. I had so much fun embracing this lifestyle and pushing myself to the limit. I went to some really cool places, met some amazing people, and had a few decent race results. Overall, I made a commitment to try to be the best athlete I could be, and I turned myself inside and out in my quest to reach for the moon.

Unfortunately my body had other ideas!

For most of the past two years, I would be thrown obstacle after obstacle, setback after setback. That was OK though, because I thought overcoming them would make me tougher. In a way it did. I reached new fitness levels that I never knew I could. Over the summer and into the fall, I hit power numbers that I only dreamed I could hit. In the short periods of time that I could run, I was running paces that even my stud runner husband could barely keep up (although he would argue with that). These challenges made me channel inner mental strength. There were times that I could barely contain my excitement for the possibilities in front of me. Unfortunately, I have not been able to put together the race that I believe I am capable of doing. I can't help but be a little frustrated. Part of me feels like I am leaving at a time when I may feel unfulfilled. But the bigger part of me knows that I gave triathlon every ounce of energy that I could. I spent every waking second doing what I was supposed to do. I followed training plans to a T, ate well, slept 7-9 hours a night, took all of my vitamins, strength trained, etc. etc. I really cannot look back with doubts, or 'what ifs' because I gave it my all everyday for years.

Where does this leave me now? The rest of this year is done for sure. I could take time off and start again for next year, but I think it is time for a big change. I think it is time to live a more balanced lifestyle. For the past several years, I have had daily 4:45 wake up calls to fit in a swim before work. Rallied through an 8 hour day chasing little kids around, and then hopped on a bike and sometimes run until it was time for dinner and bed. I have loved training for a triathlon at this level, but I am pretty certain that my body is telling me this isn't good for me. My work and financial situation will not change, and unfortunately this sport is not designed for people like me to give it a real go, so I think I need to put all of my focus into healing and finding a healthy balance. I am so incredibly lucky to have amazing family and friends, and I want to spend time with them. I want to cross a bunch of things off of my bucket list. It's time for change. I'm pretty emotional with this decision, but know that it is right for me right now.  I hope that one day I will find my way back to triathlon. Jeremy and I got married in Kona, so one day we will have to make it back to celebrate an anniversary....

I set goals that would send me reaching for the moon and I think I landed somewhere in the stars.